Our Adoption Story

Monday, November 12, 2012

My son doesn't know me yet

I have been blessed by the ministry of Young Life and have gotten to serve as a volunteer "leader" with young life for 4 years now! Wow crazy, I will be seeing my first class all the way through from Freshman year to Senior year from Snider High School. Might have just shed a tear thinking about that. These girls are so special to me and I have been so honored to be a part of their lives. I just love them!

I recently had the privilege of standing in front of our "club" for Young Life and sharing with the 100 students who typically attend about something God has taught me. Funny how that kind of a thing works, that your meant to share with others and God usually ends up showing you something about Himself.

I decided to share about our adoption process and talk about God as Father. Big topic for students to wrap their minds around, seeing as a  lot of them don't have "fathers" who are carrying out that message well, or are really even present.

But as I was preparing, God really hit me with something. My son doesn't know me yet. Ha, ok so sounds simple, and kinda like "duh, you've never met him." Although I've never physically met him, I think I sorta know him. I know his face from pictures, I study it frequently. I know part of his life story, I pray for him everyday. I sort of am out here knowing him and going to GREAT lengths to get him home. Adam will GLADLY use his year's saved up vacation and board a plane, he will GLADLY take cold showers and not drink the water in the DRC because it would make him violently ill. Adam will GLADLY go through all that to bring our son home. And yet he has NO idea who we are. Adam will bring him home and I'll meet him in the airport and wrap my arms around him for the first time. All the love I've had for him will come gushing out as I see his face. But do you think he will know me and my love for him then? No, I'm a stranger who he will acknowledge and see for the first time. SO...I will take him home and feed him. Maybe he's never had a full tummy. I will fill his tummy with good food. I will bathe him, maybe he has never had a bath? But do you think he will fully know then my love for him? No, but maybe a little more. I will hold him, I will sing to him, I will play pat-a-cake with his sweet little hands. I will get to care for him. And little by little he will begin to know my love for him.

I wonder how often we think we are supposed to know and understand Jesus as Father like a first time meeting in an airport. We meet him for the first time and expect ourselves and others to fully grasp His love for us. He has been behind the scenes in SO many ways orchestrating our meeting Him, He has and continues to go to GREAT lengths to come to us. To not leave us as orphans but to come to us and call us his own. But I don't think he expects us to say YES and then fully know his love for us. I think he invites us in to let him CARE for us. I wonder if he whispers to us, "I have loved and do love you so much, let me care for you. Let me be your Father and show up for you when you need me most, and be there when you think you don't."  I think it's a process of allowing Him to care for us as Father.

And even though it doesn't always look like I think it should (thank goodness) He does care for us perfectly, fully and completely like no other Daddy has ever cared for his kids. And I am so excited to let Him show me more and more in the years to come.


Cindi Clark said...

This is so powerfully true! I'm thankful that God loves me so completely and so patiently as I come to know Him more and more every day! Your son will come to know you...and love you...soon...very soon!

Josh, Amy, Olivia, Josiah, Girum, Tarikwa, and Taye said...

Great message! I love you all so much!

Ashley and Kevin said...

I think I bought a shirt! Did my payment go through? Thanks!!

Clark Family said...

Ashley- yes got it! Sorry just saw your comment! It should be to you soon! Thanks so much!