Our Adoption Story

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Why it matters

Had a typical Wed. morning. Miles and I headed off to Bible study and had a great time. Came home, ate lunch together and we headed upstairs for nap time. Of course, I had a long list of things I need/want to get done running through my head, as I thought "please take a good long nap so I can get some stuff done..." We did our normal nap time routine, and I laid Miles in his bed. It's not 15 minutes later that he is screaming for me...."mama....mama...."

As I head up stairs I feel a twinge of frustration welling up in me thinking of all the things on my list, words from this morning's Bible study ring in my head: "Unrighteous anger is a response to failed idolatry, when our idols fail, we get angry."


I stopped dead in my tracks. When things don't go as I plan. When my idols of self, and time, and comfort fail. I get angry.

I take a deep breath and breathe in the truth. Real life comes when I put my agenda down.

I go into Miles' room and am overwhelmed with the stench of a dirty diaper, "mama, diaper change..." I smile and we talk as I change his diaper. Then we grab a blanket and cuddle up in the rocking chair. He looks up at me with his request that he's been making lately to sing this song, "mama sing...beautiful sweet sweet song." I smile and begin to sing the lyrics. He drifts off to sleep in my arms as I hold him a while. I look down at his face and am suddenly swept into an intense memory. The way his red lips curved downward and the way his long eye lashes lay on his cheeks took me back. I was suddenly sitting in the hospital room, on the bed- holding my son for one of the very first times. That same face, lips turned down, eye lashes, cheeks....the emotions overwhelmed me and tears streamed down as I came back to the present. Its almost been two years since that day when I first met him. But today I got to experience an intense memory that flooded my heart with gratitude, joy, and a deep sense of worth.

I would have missed that.

I would have totally missed out on that sweet moment had I chosen frustration.

Thank you God.


Amanda said...

great reminder! Thank you for this post, Val.