The next steps in finalizing our adoption and getting closer to a travel date are now totally out of my control. Our "dossier" packet is complete, and our agency has what they need from us at this point. The dossier packet is sort of a snap shot of our family (in every way that is possible to put into documents) for the Congolese court system and for the U.S. Embassy. It's kind of weird putting all those documents and photos and recommendation letters into one packet, one manilla envelope summing up our life thus far.
But now we wait. And it is hard.
Most days we are busy enough that I am just whispering prayers throughout the day for both of our new boys coming into our home. Of course my prayers for our son in the congo look a lot different than prayers I ever thought I would pray for my children. But it sure is bringing me to a dependence on God in ways I never thought possible, what a beautiful thing. He is so often in the business of using challenging circumstances to allow me to know Him in new ways, in greater depths than I thought I ever would. Oh that I would take risks in this life to simply know Him more....
Anyways most days we are busy enough that my prayers flow, and the deep gut wrenching - I want to scream "how can I wait" - longing to bring our son home remains bottled up. But then, then there are nights where it just comes bubbling out and I'm dreaming all night over and over that I am searching for him, calling after him, trying to find his face- afraid I won't recognize him from the only two good pictures I have.
I think it's all really good though, I think this has to happen. Right? I want to continue to surrender my anxiety before God who is in control, but these "I'm his mama" feelings have to start somewhere. For the son growing in my body I get to protect, and talk to, and sing to, and dream of what his face looks like. Miles gets to kiss my tummy and we have a "due date" a time where I know this baby growing inside me will be ready to come home. But for my son that is miles away this is all I have, God connecting our hearts some way that is beyond anything I have ever experienced. I want to surrender to that, whatever it looks like. Connect us Jesus, connect our lives and hearts in the way only You can.
2 comments:
"But for my son that is miles away this is all I have, God connecting our hearts some way that is beyond anything I have ever experienced." so beautiful.
i think those of us who give birth to our children physically AND adopt have such a unique blessing to experience the wonder of having a child in equally miraculous, but totally different ways.
keep whispering and crying out those prayers as you wait. your family is such an encouragement to me!!
I've been praying for you off and on all day today Val! I realized this would be really hard, but this post just really opened my eyes to what you must be feeling right now!
I'm praying for peace that passes all understanding and three healthy boys in your arms before you know it!! What a memory this will be some day. The time you spent praying and waiting for both these precious lives!!
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